Friday, January 02, 2015

2014 in Review

I don't typically buy into the notion that one block of 365 days (a.k.a. a year) is any better or worse than another. I try to live my life in the moment, day by day. As such, some days are better than others. But I try not to look back with any longing or regrets. This is, in part, due to having made attempts to reconcile any "unfinished" business from my past as well as keeping the present in order as best I can.

However, that said, I must admit to the feeling that this most recent semi-arbitrary block of 365 days (a.k.a. 2014) has been, as a whole, a royal pain in my ass! Circumstances arose in the course of the year (that I can't and won't  go into detail about) which created much uncomfortable transition in the lives of many friends and family. There were more than a few "farewells" said this past year as a result.....which, frankly, sucked!

I won't say that 2014, as a whole, sucked. But there were certainly circumstances and situations that I would have rather avoided. And this brings me the the point.....Change.

I can only speak for myself but I suspect aversion to change is common. Logically, I understand that change is inevitable and permanence is an illusion. But, when it comes to friendships and relationships of emotional substance, change to said relationships that results is separation and departure is unavoidably uncomfortable. This past year has had its share of such discomfort.

I would like to say that I'm philosophically "OK" with such changes, that I'm the wiser for such changes.....but that would be a lie. While I'm not destroyed by changes, I do strongly wish such changes were avoidable, that there was a reset button or someway to undo....but that's immature thinking on my part.

 I'm finding it difficult to not have resentments towards those that created the circumstances that trigger the changes. But, I do realize, again logically, that any resentments I hold are of my doing. As much as I'd like to wave a magic wand and change things back to they way they were, I can't. And being resentful about the situation only hurts me in the long run.

So, while I'm still struggling with the changes, I'm choosing to look at them as an opportunity to grow and learn. Today, is better than yesterday (the day before, however, not so much). But life is a day to day thing. 2015, I hope, will be, as a whole, a better clump of 365 days  than 2014. But.....I'll work on today, let go of the past beyond what I can learn from, and plow on. And I will cherish every relationship in my life, knowing that the unforeseen can change things quickly.

Happy New Year.