Lisa (a.k.a. The Red-Headed Step-Sister)

On May 1st, 2018, Lisa Lusk (my sister) passed away unexpectedly. She was only 53 years old. I always thought we would have more time...time to spend together...time to reconcile some unfinished business...time to continue to love each other...and that is the hard part about her being gone. There was so much I "left on the table". In the days between her death and her memorial, as I was out in California comforting my family, these words kept echoing through my head: "Tomorrow is but a hope, not a promise". So much truth in that statement. My words of advice to all: Leave nothing left unsaid. Make the phone call...take the phone call...make the visit...take nothing for granted.

What follows is a eulogy I composed on May 3rd and read aloud at her memorial.

Eulogy for Lisa Lusk

A few times throughout my life, I’ve had to answer the question “Why do you and your sister look nothing alike”? Well, here’s the answer. 

In 1977, I was 11 years old and an only child. It was two years removed from my mother’s death and months removed from the dissolution of my father’s 2nd marriage. It was an eventful period for a young boy and would get even more eventful before that year was complete as my father entered into yet another relationship, an unwelcome development from my perspective. The woman, Martha, would eventually become my 2nd stepmother. She had 3 children of her own: Michael, David, and Lisa. My future step-brothers were significantly older with Mike already off to college and Dave getting ready to go off to UCSB. Lisa, however, was only a year older than I and, like me, was none too pleased about the circumstances we were being forced into. 

Our 1st meeting was awkward. I remember this “freckly red head” girl glaring at me like I was an unwelcome stranger and the feeling was mutual. We were put into situations where we had to get to know each other better but it felt like we were both doing so “kicking and screaming” on the inside. This period culminated, for me, with a concert my dad and future step-mom forced me to go to. 

At this point in our lives, the only common ground we could find was “Star Wars”. But, at the time, we could not have been more different in our taste in music. While I was a hardcore Kiss fan. Lisa loved The Bee Gees, Donna Summer, and (worst of all) ANDY GIBB!!! Mr. Gibb was coming to town for a concert and she HAD to go. My dad and Martha got tickets but there was one problem: I had to go! I protested to no avail. They promised me that they would take me to see KISS (that never happened). So I went to this concert, sulking and glaring at Lisa the whole time. (We have since recounted this moment with much laughter...she even gave me a complete set of Kiss bobblehead dolls in 2014).
I would recover from Andy Gibb and a funny thing happened: We began to bond. It was a silent thing where I believe we both struggled with the changes that we were forced into and that gave us common ground from which a friendship would start. 

Our relationship blossomed into full bloom in 1980 when we were forced into another “traumatic” change. Our parents moved us to Petaluma, disrupting our social lives as I was on the cusp of high school and she completing her freshman year. We were now having to start over in a new school with no friends. It was just us so we latched on to each other for support. 

While I was a social introvert, she was becoming an attractive young woman and it was this development that gave me a social circle. She started dating Andy Neff. As this relationship developed, Lisa needed an accomplice to help her “sneak out” for dates. We would tell our parents that we were going to the movies but, in truth, ended up going to Andy’s house or hanging with his friends. This quickly developed into ¬our circle of friends. She became the epicenter of my social network. Our high school years was a mixture of great times and drama. But it was all experienced together. Our differences diminished as our common ground grew.

One fact that I only just realized the day I learned of her passing: As we hit our teens, our musical tastes became more common. Music has always been my passion as evident by my life time of guitar playing, music listening, etc. From that Andy Gibb concert on until 1986, we went to every concert together. And this was a large amount of events that were some of the most formative experiences of my life. Van Halen, Iron Maiden (3 times), Judas Priest (2 times), Y&T (13 times!!!), Scorpions (3 times), Rush (her favorite), Michael Schenker (the concert that inspired me to learn guitar), Journey, Sabbath, Ozzy….and on and on and on. All those shows, she was there with me. So many good times. 
She was with me for every pivotal and formative moment of my life from 1977 through early adulthood. She was protective of me, especially when it came to my step-mom. While my relationship with my step-mom was challenging and, at times, adversarial, Lisa always “had my back”. She would defend me and encourage me. She truly was my “big sister” and my dearest friend. She was even there at my lowest moment when I had to spend my 1990 Christmas and New Years in jail. She dropped me off so I could start my sentence, being very concerned and encouraging as I walked through a nightmarish situation. 

As we came into adulthood, our paths went in different directions with marriages, break ups, more marriages, children, etc. But through it all, she was always my sister. 

As I write this, I’m sitting in her home with her husband. It’s the 3rd day since her passing and each one is getting harder as the realization that she’s gone sinks in. I’m heart broken. There is so much I left unsaid that I wish was spoken. I took for granted there was more time. The irony is not lost on me that, prior to 1977, I was quite happy to be an only child. But, a lifetime later, I’d give anything to have one more day with my older sister.

Random Thoughts on Music, Politics, Books, and Life

My blog has been getting neglected in favor of what little random social media blurps I produce...so here's some randomness on a variety of topics:

• Music: I’ve been deliberately trying to expand my appreciation for The Grateful Dead this past year. I’ve been listening to a lot of concert recordings from the 60’s through the 90’s. I’ve found some impressive variation in styles, set variation, and (most surprising), performance quality. There were nights throughout the decades where they were on fire but there were shows where they were pretty boring. I’ll never be a “Deadhead” but, at the least, I’ve overcome a lot of negative bias towards The Dead.
• Politics: A rhetorical question for both supporters and detractors of Trump: Is anyone surprised? I’ll leave it at that...for now. 
• Books: I’ve been reading Thomas Merton’s journals lately. In my opinion, he was one of the most enlightened Americans in this country’s history, precisely because he transcended national identity, as all prophets do. 
• Life: It has been over 2 months since my sister passed away. Reminders of her absence and importance continues to arise with regular frequency. I suspect that will evolve but never diminish. The void she left is meant to be felt, mourned, and celebrated. I believe there is a blog post about her in my future. I miss her. 

Current Listening - June 2017

I thought I'd share some of my recent listening. Some old, some new...and at least 1 artist I've been challenged to over-come a life-long prejudice.

• Tinariwen - Elwan: I started listening to this band in 2010 when I read raves by artists such as Robert Plant and Radiohead. The band consists of Mali Toureg natives that play a blend a traditional Mali-style guitar music (ala Ali Farke Toure) along with elements of Moroccan folk, Rock, and Blues. On their latest album, they have a guest appearance by Mark Lanegan (QOTSA, Screaming Tree). All the songs on this album are really good but the two that really stick with me is Ittus, a sparse piece with just acoustic guitar and vocals, and Talyat, a building and repetitive "call and answer" piece. I haven't a clue what they are singing about but I love the music. 

• Roger Waters - Is This The Life We Really Want?:  His 1st Rock album in 25 years is a mellower but no less angry album by the lyrical architect of the great Pink Floyd. The production quality is very contemporary but some of the vibe calls back to Animals. The lyrics are typical Waters brilliance. I had the chance to see him in concert this month and, even with the worst seats in the arena, was blown away. 

• Grateful Dead - Dead Set: I've owned this album for 35 years and played it maybe 5 times before last weekend when I was convinced by a long-time acquaintance to overcome a common prejudice we've had against the Dead, the prejudice being more towards the stereotypical view of the fan base and the overwhelming cult-of-personality surrounding the late Jerry Garcia than the music. There have been bits of The Dead's legacy that I've enjoyed and I certainly appreciate their impact. However, I could never understand the hard-core devotion they inspired. That said, after listening to this album, I still don't "get it" but I did develop an appreciation for this album that has languished in my vinyl collection for much of my life. 

Fear and Loathing in America

2017 seem metaphorically darker than normal. The news seems to leap from one bad story to a worse one. I do my best to keep news, with the inherent bias of the reporter, in proper perspective. But I don’t discard news as propaganda, though it certainly is used as such. I temper my digesting of the news of the day with skepticism on the reporting, trying to discern the facts from the opinion. But even taking away the commentary and opinion, it feels bleak…and its too easy to get worked up…AND GET ANGRY...AND FALL INTO DESPAIR…AND BRING THAT ANGER AND DESPAIR HOME…AND START SLAMMING DOORS…AND YELLING AT THE CAT….AND YOUR SPOUSE…AND…ARGH!!!!!!

Let me take a step back. I’ve been as guilty as anyone of getting worked up into a place of fear as a result of a steady diet of news. And, in recent weeks, the topic of the reliability of news has been front and center, thanks, in large part, to the current U.S. president. But, as I see it, it’s a recurrence of an age-old theme.

I want to avoid getting all “political” in this space…though I must declare that I am not a supporter or fan of Mr. Trump. That said, I’m not willing to give in to the hysteria that is both a response to as well as a result of his intentions.  I will respond in kind, as I’ve always done, to issues that affect me. But, as a core belief, I refuse to be motivated by fear. I believe that fear is the root of all negativity and must be combatted deliberately, with the primary “battlefield” being one’s own heart (a battle I’m constantly waging with varied results).

    

Back to the news: From my experience, the best way to avoid fear is to be informed, to educate, and to be objective. This requires proactivity and critical thinking.

Much has been made about “fake news” and I’ve seen/heard people state that there mainstream new is nothing more than propaganda, liberal bias, fake news, “…letting the public down by not doing their job”…yada yada yada… I find such comments annoying to be honest.  Let me address them with my own thoughts (as meaningless as they may be):

• ·         “Bias”: I chaff at the specificity of “liberal media bias” because this is usually stated by someone who identifies themselves as “conservative” (who then define what I means to be “liberal”). But, that said, I’m fully aware that there is bias (even “not conservative” bias). How can there not be bias of any sort? Any human endeavor will be biased by those doing the endeavoring.  I contend that it’s the responsibility of the consumer to weed through the bias, opinion, etc. Facts are there but it’s the responsibility of the reader/watcher to discern the fact from opinion….Someone once said they don’t have the time to “weed” through news. Fair enough…but the same person would repeat talking points of their preferred news outlet’s paid “talking head” which clearly aligned with their political viewpoint. In my opinion, that is gross intellectual laziness. Seek the truth…don’t get spoon-fed the facts mixed with opinion of others.
• ·         “News in propaganda”:  There are multiple definitions of propaganda. One or more do apply. But my rhetorical response is “what ISN’T propaganda?”…news, advertising…we are awash in propaganda of one sort or another. Again, its up to us to weed through the chaff.  
• ·         “Fake News”: Instead of restating points, click here for a helpful resource

 On the topic of “fake news”, this isn’t something that was a recent invention, though the present manifestation of the problems such new presents is exacerbated by present technology (e.g. social media, internet). But I believe we have new circumstance for an age-old problem. Bottom line, being informed and seeking truth isn’t a passive activity….and neither is combating fear. 

Travel Faux Pas

In my 12 years of heavy travel, I’ve learn a lot of things that can’t be learned in any school. My experiences in travel have been the most lesson-rich in my life. I’ve traveled to Columbia, Mexico, Brazil, Argentina, Germany, France, Canada, China, Dubai, and Saudi Arabia as well as 42 of the 50 states of my homeland.  I’ve mastered patience in the face of the stresses of airport security, taxi services, train stations, and international customs agency. I’m proficient in what I call “universal sign language” when trying to order food or find a bathroom.  I’ve learned to navigate through foreign countries where English is not the primary language, being mindful of customs and protocols. Though all my travels, I’ve learned (or affirmed) knowledge of… commonality of people….the need to accept things I have no control over….that smiles go a long way no matter where you go…that fear is mostly an illusion…that as long as I have a bed and running water, I can tolerate any quality of hotel room….that airline boarding agents, hotel housekeepers, and waiters/waitresses have hard jobs…yup, I’ve learned lots in my travels. I would say I’m a professional traveler…..but, that said, it has been through many a mistake that has given rise to this wisdom…

• Example 1: During one of my many trips to Brazil, I was tasked with drafting a document in Portuguese….I know enough Portuguese (and universal sign language) to navigate socially on a minimal level but not much more. So, I resort to “Google Translate” to translate the document I had written in English. I asked a Brazilian colleague to review this document….which, after reading a couple of paragraphs, prompted a peculiar look….which turned into what I can only describe as a look of anger/disgust/embarrassment.  This prompted me to urgently call for my buddy, Marcelo (a Brazilian) to defuse what I was taking to be a “situation”. Upon reading the 1^st few paragraphs of my document, Marcelo busted out in hysterical laughter….apparently I had somehow written a reference to inspecting “breasts”….not my intention…still, to this day, not sure what phrase in English translated to the Brazilian slang term for “boobs”…..but I was mortified and devastatingly embarrassed. Thank God this lady new me well enough to know I meant no disrespect….but….NEVER TRUST GOOGLE TRANSLATE!

• Example 2: Prior to my visit to Saudi Arabia, I was coached by my friend who’s from Saudi on the do’s/don’ts of social customs in this most fundamental of Islamic countries. One of the things my buddy stressed emphatically was to not be in close quarters with a Saudi women as it’s a major no-no to be with a lady not your wife or close relative….simple enough. Steer clear of the women…gotcha…Well, my 1^st morning in Jeddah, I enter the hotel elevator, my head down as I’m checking e-mails on my smartphone. I press the button for the lobby and continue to read my e-mails. The moment the door closes, I sense that I’m not alone in the elevator. I turn to look behind me and see a Saudi women, completed coved in a veil/hajib/whatever. She is slowing turning away from me to face the back of the elevator and move towards the corner….HOLY S#%T!!!  I AM GOING TO DIE….all sorts of thoughts are racing through my head….her husband will be waiting in lobby as the door opens, sees me with his wife…..AND KILL ME!....Longest elevator ride of my life!  When the door opened, I quickly glanced out and…not ran…but walked real fast out of that lift and in the opposite direction of the women I had inadvertently shamed….Lesson learn: Be aware of your surroundings…put the damned phone away when walking…don’t get into an elevator blindly…especially in Saudi Arabia….if there is a Saudi women, all veiled up and in elevator alone, be in Saudi Arabia or anywhere, let her have the elevator to herself…take the fracking stairs if you must….

I can list other mistakes but, in a nutshell, I've been afforded plenty of experiences around the world that have taught me things you will never find in a text book. 

Random Travel Thoughts

The following is the product of a jet-lagged and overly-caffeinated mind that has not slept in 28 hours. Any logic or lucid thought is purely accidental.....

• This now-concluded trip to Brazil is the 32nd trip I've made to that country. As expressed in a previous post, I have a love/hate relationship with the country. I do really enjoy aspects of the culture and country. I am very fond of the friends I've made down there. That said, I'm greatly concerned at the changes I've seen recently. Clearly, the economy has slowed down dramatically and a air of cynicism and pessimism amongst the people towards their government and future is evident.  According to one of my friends, there is a growing drain of Brazilians who do have money leaving the country for places such as the U.S. and Portugal. Government corruption, the Zika virus, and the rush of preparation for the Rio Olympics are the hot topics in the news with a sense that, as one Brazilian told me, "everything is broken". Unfortunate. 
• As a seasoned frequent flier, there are really only a couple of things that try my patience or unnerve me:
• The destination airport being shut down due to weather while the plane I'm on is on its final approach, thus causing the pilot to have to circle the airport in a holding pattern until the airport opens. This happened yesterday coming into Sao Paulo. I counted 9 complete "orbits" of Sao Paulo over the course of an hour with the thought "I wonder how much fuel this thing has?" crossing my mind a few times. 
• Mindless fellow travelers that are completely unaware of how their behavior and actions affect others on the plane. I believe Robert Fripp termed such people "boobies". I encountered an exceptional "boobie" yesterday who had no awareness of his butt being in my face for the better part of 10 minutes while he organized his carry on luggage. 
• Excessively long queues at customs. Last night a "leisurely" 2 hour layover turned into 2 stressful hours waiting to get my passport, leaving me 5 minutes to get to my flight.....ugh!
• When the aforementioned stress-inducers happen, a good remedy is to listen to some good music on the iPod. What worked for me last night:
• Mike Monroe
• Jimi Hendrix
• Djivan Gisparian
• I don't care how hygienic a person is. 24 hours + of travel will make the cleanest and prettiest amongst us a stinky mess.
• After a long journey, there is no greater joy than coming home to loved ones, taking a shower, and sleeping in ones own bed....something I plan on doing in approximately 5 hours..... 

Mid-Life

I am, by any definition, "middle aged". Just focusing on the "temporal" validation of this fact....:

• The music I grew up on is now part of the "classic Rock" format of radio airplay
• "Han Solo", "Luke Skywalker", and "Princess Leia", all pivotal icons of my youth, looked to be ready for the old-folks home in "The Force Awakens". 
• Many of the talent from my youth has started "dropping like flies". 

Prior to this year, there had been deaths of "heroes" that have affected me (John Bonham, Randy Rhoads, Bon Scott). But in the past 1.5 months, the pace of celebrity death has been shocking. A small sampling of names that gave me pause....:

• Lemmy
• David Bowie
• Jim Bain
• Alan Rickman
• Natalie Cole
• Glen Frey
• Maurice White

Aside from the seemingly ridiculous pace at which celebrities have been dying, they have been dying from health conditions that can be associated with aging. This has given me some pause for....not concern...but reflection. 

I'd like to think I'm not overly concerned about growing old and my mortality. And, for the most part, I'm not. However, it is the mortality of those that I care about that agitates my peace of mind. 

In the past year, I've had multiple moments where people near and dear to me have had serious health issues related to aging. In some cases, they have been life-threatening. It one case, it led to death. These are the things that shake my foundation. 

It seems to me that our societies make us very ill-equipped to handle the aging and dying process that is and inevitability. There are exceptions to this statement but, for the most part, most humans are not prepared for growing old or dying. Hence the "mid-life crisis", depression, youth obsession, etc. In actuality, I can't comprehend being prepared for the death of those I love. Its something I fear. 

As to the celebrities that have died, I've not met any of those mentioned but they have affected my life. In the case of Lemmy, Jimmy Bain and David Bowie, I have had many moments of my life that I associate with their music. They were part of the soundtrack. I had emotional responses to their art. They, in fact, affected my life in a very real and tangible way. They were not strangers to me and, as such, I mourn their passing in a very real and personal way. Not as real or personal as, say, if a family or dear close friend passed....but real nonetheless.

I don't really have a point to this posting except to express how life, as its reaches a point, starts taking more than it gives (from a certain point of view). But, that said, I do look at the passing of those and the associated mourning in a positive light for one reason: If the absence of someone causes pain and grief, then you know that you were blessed to have those people in your life to have created such a void. That goes for friends, family, and the celebrity whom I've never met....

Fear

...and yet again, there is another set of horrific events, perpetrated by people using religion as justification, that has horrified the world....and yet again, there are calls to retaliate....and calls to arms....and calls to keep the "them" away from the "us". Social media is a awash with posts about whose fault it is that ISIS/ISIL/whateverthehelltheycallthemselves exists or hasn't been squashed yet, how Islam must be stopped, how Bush/Cheney created the conditions for ISIS, and/or how Obama has screwed up everything up....and blah....blah....blah.

In a word: Fear. A lot of people around the world are afraid. That manifests in anger more often than not. But fear is the underlying driver. And that is to be expected. But it is exhausting. Personally, I fear the fearful as much as anything. Its times like these that the "not so better angels" among us get a foothold in the collective psyche.

As much as I would like to add my own $0.02 to the discussion about how we got to this point in human affairs (I will only say "dig deeper and look at the evolution of history beyond just your own lifetime"), I will try to refrain as that would, in the end, only be my variation of processing the fear.

Rather than participate in the fear, I'm going to see what I can do today as I sit in a hotel room far from home on a rainy Oregon Sunday...do something that, at the least, won't contribute to the fear and negativity.....like find a church near by and attend amongst strangers....buy a homeless person lunch...go to Powells book store and buy a book...go see the Peanuts movie...meditate...listen to John Coltrane...and PRAY.....

Yes, I'll pray for Paris (like 99% of Twitter/Facebook-land seems to be doing), but I'll pray for Beirut as well.....and for Russia......and for Syria......and the refugees fleeing Syria....and for Libya....and for Israel....and for the Eagles of Death Metal....and for ISIS (yup, I went there, just like Jesus told me to do)....I'll pray for the whole damned world (i.e. "us")....

Yup, that's what I'm choosing to do today.

Brazil

I have a love/hate relationship with the country of Brazil.

What I Hate:
Familiarity breeds contempt. Since 2006, I’ve been to Brazil 31 times, either to Santos, Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro, or Petropolis. The trips are usually long and take me away from my family. Thus, I’ve come to associate the sights and sounds of Brazil with the ache of missing my loved ones. And there are the crowds, the traffic, etc. And there are the constant rigors of travel. Airports, taxis, hotels, rude fellow travelers, etc. That is a fact of circumstance that is the nature of my travels.

On a positive note:

However, there is much to appreciate about Brazil, and not just the “touristy” aspects of it which I rarely get to partake in. (One qualifier: Though I've been to Brazil a lot, I know that by only seeing the aforementioned cities, there is so much of Brazil I've not been exposed to. I am by no means a Brazilian expert.)

What I love about Brazil:
Foremost, there is the warmth of the people as they welcome foreigners to their country. Not meaning to generalize but, far more often than not, I’ve encountered a subtle enthusiasm when meeting Brazilians for the 1^st time. This has led to some cherished friendships over the years. I’ve been afforded remarkable hospitality.

As an example, in 2007, a gentleman I was working with, Jose Roberto, noted that I had Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” as a ring tone for my cell phone. He tells me that Roger Waters is playing in Rio and “if I would mind” going with him to the concert. My response: “WOULD I MIND?!!!! LET’S GO!!!” And it was one of the most memorable events of my life. Seeing Roger Waters for the 1^st time….in Rio…playing classic Floyd stuff, including “Sheep” from Animals while 30,000 Brazilians sing along. Amazing!

I’ve also made some much cherished friendships. One friend in particular, Marcelo Barbosa (see picture below, taken Oct. 18^th, 2015), I’m particularly fond of. We used to work together. Now, he’s moved on professionally. But that doesn’t stop him from making the effort to come visit me whenever I’m in the country. I always look forward to his warm welcomes.

Another aspect of Brazil that I’m fond of is the culture, or at least what little bit I’ve been exposed to. The music, the visual arts, the dance, all uniquely Brazilian. In some ways, Brazil has had a similar cultural evolution to the United States. Both have origins as European colonies. Both had slavery that was abolished. And the descendants of those slaves have greatly informed the culture. In the U.S., the descendants of slaves gave us the Blues, Jazz, and Rock and Roll. In Brazil, it’s Samba and……Brilliant music and dance that tends to sooth the soul.  And there is some top notch Brazilian Rock and Rollers as well. On one of my trips in 2012, I saw a group of teenagers playing in a park and did great renditions of songs by the Ramones and Iron Maiden.

As I write this, I’m sitting in a hotel lounge in Rio awaiting my flight back to the U.S. I’m very eager to leave and get home. But that doesn’t diminish the positive things I’ve become so familiar with. While I’m not eager for a return to Brazil anytime soon, I know that if/when I do return, I will have much to look forward to.

Berkeley Bob's Performance - 26 Sept, 2015

On the 26th of September, 2015, my daughter and I made the drive to Cullman, Alabama so I could perform my Ambient Soundscape "loopiness" at Berkeley Bob's Coffee House at the invitation of Carlo DeShouten and, of course, "Berkeley" Bob.

Carlo had purchased my CD, "Casting Shadows" via CD Baby (still available by the way) and, as I try to do with anyone who purchases my music, I sent him an e-mail of thanks for the purchase. He responded with an invitation to come to Cullman to perform. As I learned back in my "Heavy Metal" days, never turn down a "gig". So I immediately accepted. Then, I must admit, the thought: "Cullman, Alabama???" crossed my mind.

As much as I've traveled, I've not spent any significant time in Alabama, staying in a couple of towns on my way through the state to other locations. As such, I really only had perceptions from afar as to what life in Alabama was like. And, like many preconceived perceptions, they are clouded by the perceptions of others. Here's the gist of that perception:

• Civil Rights movement of the 60's
• Deep "South"
• Have some pretty good college football teams
• "Forrest Gump"
• .....and that's about it...

I really didn't know what to expect. But, as Carlo seemed like a pleasant guy via phone and email communication, I figured his judgment and musical taste was all I needed to load up the gear and hit the road. 

Back in my Heavy Metal days, we would have my buddy Josh be our "roadie/guitar tech" and my band would pretend we were a roving entourage of "Rock Gods". Nowadays.....I talked my 15 year old daughter, Jessica, to come along for the ride for moral support. How times have changed....for the better I might add. 

After 5 hours in the car, we arrived at Berkeley Bob's and immediately saw a flyer with my picture and name on it. My daughter thought this was pretty cool as she immediately got to "snap-chatting" (whatever the heck that is). As we entered, I was warmly greeted by Carlo, Xena (Barista/server) and others. I felt immediately at ease as the coffee house was a pleasant slice of "Bohemia" in a small southern town. 

The performance itself was a structured improvisation. Structured in that I had guide notes on strategy, some pre-recorded beats, etc. Improvised in that.....there were times I didn't have a clue where I was going. But I did have lots of fun and got lost in the music which is really why I do this to begin with. Those moments when I surprise myself and feel like I'm being led and thought is suspended are wonderful. To share this with an audience...even better. 

I did about an hour and 45 minutes of soundscapes and was received very warmly by the audience with some very flattering words and complements. And my daughter was impressed by the kindness shown by all in attendance. 

In summary, a very enjoyable experience. And not just the performance but also getting to spend many hours with my soon-to-be grown up daughter. Its not lost on me that those moments with her are becoming less and less frequent so any opportunity to hang with her is time well spent. 

I'd like to thank Carlo and Bob for inviting me. And thanks to all who attended and treated Jessica and I so kindly. 

  

Random Thought on Social Media

Facebook, Twitter, and the other social media platforms are a curious, addictive, most-of-the-time useful, sometimes annoying thing. Like many my age (lets just say I pre-date the internet....and remember a time before there was a Star Wars), I use social media to stay connected to friends and family, many geographically distant from where I am. Like most, I will share "memes", videos, articles, etc that interest me. In turn, I will check out the posts of friends (both real and cyber) via my news feed.

One thing I used to do but have vowed to not do any longer is propagate negativity. There are so many items out there that are intentionally provocative, designed to raise the ire of someone. Most of the provocative items are political. Some have religious/anti-religious content. Some are just crude humor, etc.

Now...I have my opinions. And some will and do disagree with those opinions. But there is a difference between expressing an opinion and demonizing or ridiculing an opposing opinion. I do agree that civil discourse and debate is productive and necessary. But, in the context of social media, productive discourse is almost an oxymoron. A "tweet" or a post of limited characters requires brevity. Too often, to convey an opinion with such brevity, most resort to simplistic insults, crude "memes" and the like. What I have found is that such things only agitate and invite retaliation. As brevity and "intellectual laziness" can go hand in hand, the result can be a lot of negativity and pissiness. Take the meme below as an example to illustrate a point:


Now, I'm not going to get into my thoughts on guns and control. I just randomly Googled "gun control meme" and this popped up. Its intended to highlight perceived hypocrisy amongst ant-gun advocates . It simple but as anyone, pro or against, can tell you, the issues about guns in America is far more complex than a simple meme could convey. If I was to share this via FB without any comment or context, I would surely get several angry comments as well as some likes.

Again, I'm not going to debate the issue. But, nor am I going to participate in passing such negative stuff on with the intent of enforcing a negative message (for the record, I'm not a fan of guns and wouldn't send this crap on under any circumstances). In the end, all it does is propagate negativity and little more.

Instead, I'd rather share positive things, reflecting universal truths, spiritual thoughts, etc. I've found that most of the time, such things CAN be conveyed in the brevity required by social media. Case in point:


Both of these memes are taken out of a bigger context but the quote from Merton conveys a message he intended to convey very clearly.  I suppose its easier to express thoughts of hope and love with brevity. And, as such, I'd rather, for my own peace of mind, spread a little positiveness instead of adding to the negativity of the world. God knows there's enough of that out there. If you don't think so, go check your Facebook feed....

Oh The Memories.....

The above picture is of one of my former bands, Bad Weapons. I believe this is circa 1988. These photos were recently developed from negatives that were sitting in my drawer for over 25 years. Only last week did I lay eyes on them for the 1^st time since they were taken (big thank you to Charlie, the bass player, 2nd from the right, for having these photos developed and sharing them).

When I 1^st saw them, I was amazed and excited to see them. This was from a time when I was of an age where the future was to be seized and possibilities were supposedly limitless. I was a budding wannabe Rock star waiting for my turn at stardom and all the perks such a life was supposed to have (i.e. sex, drugs, etc). However, as I continued to look at them, a myriad of memories came rushing back to me, some very unpleasant and uncomfortable.

I won’t go into detail on the exact nature of some of the memories as they are personal and involve people that may not want to have such things drudged up. But I will say these photos were taken at the beginning of a period in my life that would devolve into a personal dark place that ultimately caused me to re-evaluate the direction of my life.

The dilapidated building we are leaning against was our band’s rehearsal studio. It was a former chicken-feed processing place outside Petaluma, CA. I wish I can say we spent all our hours there honing our Rock and Roll skills to a fine point. But, while we did spend a fair amount of time rehearsing, writing songs, and such, we spent far more of our time getting loaded. Eventually, and due in part to my own behavior, that place would double as my home for 1 year. While there are funny moments I recall from that time, such as putting together an outdoor shower with some 2x4’s, plastic tarp, and a garden hose, there are far more less-than-pleasant memories that I had not spent too much time thinking until I saw these pictures.

And that brings me to the point: Memories are powerful things. Coupled with a history, they evolve in perception as one becomes (hopefully) wiser and experienced. The memories these pictures evoke in the 2015 version of me are completely different than what they would have evoked had I saw these 10 years ago, 15 years ago….25 years ago.  The memories today are far more complex but, at the same time, meaningful. I see a more complete picture of who I was back then in the light of the man I’ve become. A big difference with these pictures compared to other pictures of my past is the specific pivotal point of my life in which these were taken. Whereas, if I see a baby picture or one from grade school, there is a recalled sense of innocence. With these pictures, not only has the innocence been lost, but there is a recollection of the misguided bravado of young adulthood mixed with a growing sense of dysfunction and loss. It’s hard to articulate but it’s a peculiar experience to see these photos again.

I will say that, having gone through the dark period that I was about to embark on at the time of these photos yielded several life-altering decisions and experiences. One, in particular, is worth sharing.

On December 7^th, 1991, we were to rehearse at the “studio” pictured above for a very important show. On that particular night, Corey, our singer, decided to skip practice. This was not the 1^st time this happened but, on that particular night, his absence infuriated me. Perhaps, my anger was fueled by growing difference between us that started the year prior when I made the decision to stop drinking/partying.  As is often the case, relationships that were based on mutual debauchery tend to become strained if one of the parties in the relationship decides to “clean up”. But, that said, I looked at our ongoing relationship as a musical necessity as well as I wanted to maintain a friendship. However, skipping practice that particular night was not going to go unchallenged.

So….I drove to the bar I suspected he was hanging out and…sure enough, there he was!!!!  As the bar was crowded, I wasn’t going to confront him there but I would wait him out. In the course of waiting, I came to meet a beautiful Filipina woman, albeit in an unusual way in that she almost burned my hair with a lit cigarette. Long story short….this was the 1^st time I met the future Lilian Imberg, my wife. We (Corey, I, Lilian, and our drummer) ended up going back to our studio to do a half ass rehearsal. From there, Lilian and I spent the rest of the night talking (no hanky panky) and getting to know each other. In a nutshell, I met the love of my life.

All that said, I suppose the point of the rant is that these pictures represent so much more than just a promotional picture of a band I was once in. They are glimpses to the most pivotal 3 years of my life, where I experienced the pain and despair, but also some fun, and, ultimately, met the woman I would marry and create an amazing family with.

Funny how life works……

My Musical "Rosetta Stone"

The term "Rosetta Stone" (I'm omitting reference to the popular language learning software) has two meanings in the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

1. :  a black basalt stone found in 1799 that bears an inscription in hieroglyphics, demotic characters, and Greek and is celebrated for having given the first clue to the decipherment of Egyptian hieroglyphics
2. :  one that gives a clue to understanding

The actual Rosetta Stone in the 1st definition gave birth to the 2nd definition as a common reference in a variety of topics. 

On a personal level, I often refer to the band Led Zeppelin as my musical "Rosetta Stone" because, aside from them being my all time favorite band in the world, they have directed me in directions of musical exploration that no other Rock band could do, thus giving me "clues to understanding" a much wider range of music than just "Rock and Roll". 

In my youth, my initial love affair was split between hard Rock/Metal (e.g. Kiss, Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, UFO, Iron Maiden) and 70's electronic music (e.g. Tangerine Dream, Vangelis). A somewhat varied interest for a pre-teen American kid but nothing exotic. As I grew older and more rebellious, my taste gravitated toward heavier stuff like Metallica, Megadeth, and so on. Again, nothing out of the ordinary though I did think of myself as something of a Heavy Metal snob and purest. But that would change when I fell in love with Led Zeppelin. 

My initial exposure to Zeppelin was pretty typical of kids of my generation. It was via FM radio and the ubiquitous presence of "Stairway to Heaven". It was a song I liked but, at the same time, I viewed Zeppelin as the previous generations music. My early high school years was the early 1980's. Led Zeppelin had already disbanded following the tragic death of John Bonham. I did buy the album "Led Zeppelin IV/Untitled" and must admit that it was not the "soul grabber" it would become, mainly because it wasn't as heavy as the stuff I was immersed in at the time. In hindsight, it had way more depth in the songwriting, musicianship, and production than I could appreciate at the time. I was a full on testosterone-fueled, Metalhead at this point and subtlety was being lost on my immature ears. But that would quickly change, thanks to another aspect of my misspent youth. 

The town I lived in during my high school years, Petaluma, CA, had an old movie theater called The Plaza (now The Mystic theater which is presently a great live venue). They would specialize in playing old movies throughout the week. Weekdays would be "art house" type movies with an occasional classic porn movie. Weekends usually catered to the younger crowd with showings of "Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Monty Python", and Rock movies from the 70's and 80's. A regular feature a couple of times a year was "The Song Remain's the Same", the 1976 concert/concept movie featuring Led Zeppelin. 

One Friday night, my friends and I went to such a pairing of "The Wall" and "The Song...". The movie was preceded by some teenage "partying" so that our mental state was suited for the experience (I'm not kidding when I say I had a misspent youth). I remember being in awe of The Wall on the big screen but the life-altering moment was seeing "Song Remains the Same". 

The movie was crafted to be a "mind blowing" experience anyways but I just remember seeing Jimmy Page on the big screen doing what Jimmy Page does: being the coolest, most bad-ass Rock god on the planet and being completely blown away. The band as a whole was so much cooler than anything I've seen before or since. But it was the depth of the music that hooked me. Everything from the howling minor blues of "Since I've Been Loving You" to the bombast of "Rock and Roll" to the beautiful "Rain Song". It was dynamics galore delivered with such power, competence, and attitude. Two pivotal moments in that movie was "Dazed and Confused" (major improve jamming that seemed to go on forever...in a terrific way) and "Whole Lotta Love". In both songs, Page did things musically that transcended typical Rock forms, using a bow and a Theremin to literally transport the listener to someplace far, far, away. Just epic soundscapes that were not what I would expect from a Rock band.  

Following that experience, I went back to my copy of LZ IV with renewed interest and listened very intently and fell in love. Then I bought "Physical Graffiti", then LZ I, then "Houses of the Holy", and so so and so forth, digesting the entire Zeppelin catalog. 

What blew me away the most (and continues to amaze me to this day) is the stylistic variation these guys delivered while still maintaining the "context" of a Rock and Roll band. The acoustic, folk influences, the Arabic flavors, the ethereal elements in the production, the use of drones and ambiance, and, of course, the Blues.  All these elements started me on a path of musical exploration that continues to this day. 

Through Zeppelin, I became fascinated with Moroccan, Celtic, American Folk, Country, Indian, and Blues music. Just glancing at my iPod right now, I have music by Bachir Attar (Moroccan), Ravi Shankar (Indian), Robert Johnson (Blues), Townes Van Zandt (Country) and so on and I can recall the exact sequence of discovery that led me to fall in love with these and so many other artists that all goes, quite literally, back to Led Zeppelin. And, of course, not forsaking my love of hard Rock, Zeppelin does a pretty decent job at satisfying that craving too. 

I can truly say that the majority of the nearly 1000 titles of music I possess in my record/CD/tape/digital collection I have is either directly or in directly due to Led Zeppelin. In that regard, they are truly my musical "Rosetta Stone". 

My 1st Trip to a Muslim Country

In January, I visited Jeddah, Saudi Arabia for 2 weeks. What follows is an accounting of the trip and some take-away observations.

This was a trip planned for several months but was delayed due to logistics. The months leading up to the trip were, I must admit, tense due to, in no small part, the regular travel warnings that the U.S. State Dept. sends out to holders of Saudi Arabian visas. Such warnings include "suspected religious fundamentalist killed a Norwegian citizen near an IKEA" (this was an actual warning). They follow the notice with a statement that reads: "If you can't change your travel plans, it is suggested to avoid crowds,.....". The implied statement is "DON'T GO!". There is indeed a significant element of Islamic fundamentalism in Saudi Arabia, the home of Wahhabi-ism, and, though the government (i.e. royal family) has strong ties to America, there is a powerful group of people in that country that dislike both the American government and the royal family. But, that said, the aforementioned warning could have been as much a hostile reaction by a Saudi towards Scandinavians because they hate IKEA stores. In any case, I had to quell fears that these warnings created, reminding myself that of the many places I've traveled to, the element of uncertainty always gave way to personal revelation and affirmation of the common goodness of people (not to say there aren't bad ones but a core belief I hold is that the overwhelming amount of people on the planet aren't malicious, that "better angels" win the day).

State Dept-induced fear aside, I was interested to experience visiting a Muslim country. Islamic culture is a fascinating mystery to me. I know we in the West get a skewed and simplistic perspective of the culture if we limit our understanding to what the popular media gives us. But I have, over the years, grown to love music that originates from Muslim cultures (e.g. Hamza El Din, Kayhan Kahlor, The Faran Ensemble) as well was poetry (Rumi) and art. I know I've only scratched the surface of the cultural offers of the Muslim world. Logic dictates that there is much more cultural diversity and variation than can be understood from afar which made me keen to get a glimpse 1st hand.

Prior to my arrival in Jeddah, I had a 12 hour layover in Dubai. The contrast between Dubai and Jeddah, in hindsight, was significant. Whereas Jeddah had much an austere feel to it, being the primary gateway to Mecca, Dubai was much more cosmopolitan and liberal in feel. It certainly felt to live up to the unofficial title of "The Gateway to the East". The city had the appearance of growing rapidly with lots of construction and very modern architecture. I understand that, while a Muslim society, it was much more liberal in its acceptance of "vice".

While waiting for my flight to Jeddah, I was struck by the variation in ethnicity and clothing at the airport. While the majority was dressed in some manner of traditional Muslim clothing (particularly the women), there was quite a contrast from the very simple to the very elaborate. Again, my take was that Muslim culture is as non-homogeneous as any other broad-based culture.

Because Jeddah is the primary entry way to Mecca (holiest city in Islam), the vast majority (i.e. everyone but me apparently) of travelers going from Dubai to Jeddah were pilgrims in the midst of their Umrah pilgrimage, a religious rite similar to the annual Hajj rite but can be done any time of year. From what I gathered, there were Pakistani, Kuwait, and Indonesian pilgrims on my particular flight. I was literally the only passenger on the plane not a pilgrim (as confirmed by the flight attendant).

Upon arrival, I had to traverse through customs, as is the case everywhere. The one benefit of not being a Muslim pilgrim was the fact I didn't have to go through the designated "Pilgrims" line in custom which was VERY long. Apparently, the Saudi government has a logistical nightmare on their hands with being the keepers of the holiest sites in Islam. For religious reasons, they have to grant access to those sites to all Muslims, regardless of country of origin. But for political reasons, they have to exercise caution because not all Muslim countries are friendly to Saudi Arabia (e.g. Iran). So the visa process is extensive. For Western business travelers, it appears a bit easier to enter the country. But, that said, there is a very strict ban on alcohol so my luggage was subject to search. I had to explain that the Kelloggs protein bars I brought with me did not contain alcohol.

Once through customs, I was taken by a taxi to the Intercontinental Hotel which is owned by the parent company of Holiday Inn. The hotel was opulent by my standards (e.g. ornamental furniture in the lobby dating back to the 17th century) with security measures at the gate entrance that appeared excessive but wasn't going to be question by me.

About a 1/4 mile from the hotel, I noted a huge water fountain that jetted water hundreds of feet into the air. This was King Fahd's Fountain and was impressive.

I wish I could say I did lots of touristy stuff and ventured about....but I was there for work and was dissuaded from going anywhere without a local escort. That said, I found the obvious differences in daily life fascinating. Some examples:

• There are 6 designated prayer times for Muslims. The times are dictated by the lunar phase so that differ slightly be day and region. The 1st call to prayer happens before dawn with various calls from the mosques in the areas filling the air. Adherence to these prayers times are strongly encouraged for Muslims and life is pretty much halted. During the prayer times of daylight hours, businesses will shut down for the 15-20 minutes and the majority of the people I saw or encountered would dutifully go to the appropriate place and pray. Prayers are to be directed towards Mecca. In my hotel, there was a convenient sign with the arrow that pointed in the direction of Mecca. Non-Muslims aren't expected to pray so I was given a pass.
• Most Saudi women adhered to wearing veils and head covering (hijab?). It is considered to be inappropriate for a male to be in close quarters with a women not related to them. I found this out by mistake when I got into the hotel elevator with a Saudi women who clearly felt uncomfortable with my presence, based on her body language (she literally turn her back to me....most awkward elevator ride of my life). 
• Pork is a dietary no-no. While the hotel I stayed at had Western breakfasts, the only bacon or sausage to be had was made of turkey or lamb. 
• Most of the people who do manual labor in Saudi Arabia are foreign nationals. Many Pakistanis and Filipinos there. The folks I was working with were Pakistani. Exceptionally kind gentlemen that treated my with tremendous hospitality. 
• My Saudi host treated me to a traditional Saudi meal of slow-roasted goat, served on rice with saffron. We literally got the whole goat. Dining was done on the floor in a very communal fashion. It was one of the best meals I have ever eaten.
• I had several conversations with my hosts about religion. We had very nice, substantive conversations about Islam, Christianity, the differences and the similarities. These conversations confirmed my belief that there is always so much more commonality between people than differences. We in the West tend to get a very simplistic and negative impression about Islam. To be sure, much of the negative impressions we get are well-found by acts of terrorism and fundamental fanaticism. But those impressions are based on the actions of a minority of Muslims. The manner and hospitality of my hosts clarified that there are Muslims (I suspect the majority) of good-will and good cheer. 

Overall, the trip was very nice. I only got a small glimpse into the Saudi and Islamic world but it was an enriching glimpse and one I'm most grateful to have had.

My sincere thanks to Youseff,  Hassan, Mr. Delawi, and crew for your friendship and hospitality. I hope to return the favor.

2014 in Review

I don't typically buy into the notion that one block of 365 days (a.k.a. a year) is any better or worse than another. I try to live my life in the moment, day by day. As such, some days are better than others. But I try not to look back with any longing or regrets. This is, in part, due to having made attempts to reconcile any "unfinished" business from my past as well as keeping the present in order as best I can.

However, that said, I must admit to the feeling that this most recent semi-arbitrary block of 365 days (a.k.a. 2014) has been, as a whole, a royal pain in my ass! Circumstances arose in the course of the year (that I can't and won't  go into detail about) which created much uncomfortable transition in the lives of many friends and family. There were more than a few "farewells" said this past year as a result.....which, frankly, sucked!

I won't say that 2014, as a whole, sucked. But there were certainly circumstances and situations that I would have rather avoided. And this brings me the the point.....Change.

I can only speak for myself but I suspect aversion to change is common. Logically, I understand that change is inevitable and permanence is an illusion. But, when it comes to friendships and relationships of emotional substance, change to said relationships that results is separation and departure is unavoidably uncomfortable. This past year has had its share of such discomfort.

I would like to say that I'm philosophically "OK" with such changes, that I'm the wiser for such changes.....but that would be a lie. While I'm not destroyed by changes, I do strongly wish such changes were avoidable, that there was a reset button or someway to undo....but that's immature thinking on my part.

 I'm finding it difficult to not have resentments towards those that created the circumstances that trigger the changes. But, I do realize, again logically, that any resentments I hold are of my doing. As much as I'd like to wave a magic wand and change things back to they way they were, I can't. And being resentful about the situation only hurts me in the long run.

So, while I'm still struggling with the changes, I'm choosing to look at them as an opportunity to grow and learn. Today, is better than yesterday (the day before, however, not so much). But life is a day to day thing. 2015, I hope, will be, as a whole, a better clump of 365 days  than 2014. But.....I'll work on today, let go of the past beyond what I can learn from, and plow on. And I will cherish every relationship in my life, knowing that the unforeseen can change things quickly.

Happy New Year.

Hello.....again

Its been awhile since I've posted here, in part due to a relentless travel schedule. But I will re-ignite the blogger flame and resume sharing thoughts and experiences from the perspective of a idiosyncratic musician/wanderer/spiritual schlep.

New post to come shortly.......no really.....I'm serious.....

I was a closet conservative once.....

I have a confession.

In the 90’s, I intellectually explored various, political philosophies and view points that were seemingly in conflict with those I was raised with (call it “political rebellion”). Coming from what can be termed a “liberal” family background (albeit more a-political than activist), I explored areas which would be in contradiction to my familial history. I became a listener of the likes of Rush Limbaugh, even subscribing to his newsletter for one year. I became a reader of “The National Review” and columnist such as George Will and Cal Thomas. There was (and still is) aspects of what is termed as conservative thought I found agreement with. The belief that government can be an impediment to personal liberty has resonance with me. At one point, even the prevalent conservative implication that everything not conservative is liberal and, thus, bad, started sounding logical but would be challenged and revealed as a fallacy in my eyes in the light of global events of 2001-2003.

A life-long bedrock belief I hold is that war and violence are evil and in direct contradiction to the ideal spiritual state of man (not to be confused with the actual state of mankind). I won’t go so far as to say I’m a pacifist as I've not mastered the ability to 100% “turn the other cheek”. But as a Christian, a “cold war child”, and a life-long admirer of M.K. Gandhi, I believe in totality that non-violence is mankind’s only hope of survival in this age where technological advances outpace spiritual evolution.

In 1998, my political exploration of conservative thought began to conflict with my non-violence beliefs when I read statements by the “Project for The New American Century” (PNAC), a conservative organization seeking to advance American foreign policy beyond the immediate post-cold war era. In essence, many of their positions was to take advantage of the period following the fall of the Soviet Union where the United States stood as the lone global super power. Several members of this organization would later be key members of the Bush Administration where they would be named “Neo Cons”. Several of their position papers were the ground work for George Bush’s foreign policy and advocated unilateral action that “purposefully promotes American principles abroad” with the belief that what’s good for America is good for the whole world.

While its now easy, with the Iraq war in hindsight, to have pause with the assumptions of the PNAC, I truthfully say I found reason for concern when their positions were 1st published. In particular, the assumptions about the Middle East were particularly troubling given the historical track record of other nations that have tried and failed to sway the political landscape of that region. Being a reader of history, I questioned how the United States could do any better than the British or French (to only name the most recent attempts) at molding the region towards their interests.

In the climate immediately following the attacks of 11-September 2001, I found myself being very conflicted and concerned by conservative voices that became avid “cheerleaders” for the idea that we needed to exert our military and political will abroad, particularly in Iraq. I found it perplexing that while the Bush Administration was making its strong case to invade Iraq based on the threat Saddam Hussein posed, the likes of Scott Ritter, part of the U.N. weapons inspection apparatus put in place following the 1991 Gulf War, was speaking loudly that Iraq had been disarmed of their weapons of mass destruction. When conservative pundits started discounting Mr. Ritter, a decorated Marine, as a “shill on the payroll of Saddam Hussein”, alarm bells started sounding in my head.

A moment of epiphany for me happened late in 2002 when I was listening to Sean Hannity on the car radio. At this point, the “war drums” were beating loudly and most of the U.S. political leadership and media was in line with the Bush Administration’s intent to “disarm Saddam”. Mr. Hannity implied that anyone opposed to the invasion of Iraq was siding with the enemy, and thus, a traitor. This pissed me off to the point I had to pull the car over to calm down. I wasn't to the point of certainty that Iraq was WMD-free but I did believe that a unilateral war without absolute proof was wrong, mis-guided, and would lead to much unnecessary death. And even with proof, being the aggressor and invader was wrong. I also believed that if the U.S. was going into Iraq, we would be there for a long time because, in spite of whatever noble intentions our government may have had, the true focus of American interest, per the PNAC, was economic with the regions primary resource (oil) our #1 concern. We would not be removing Saddam and then hitting the road. This was nation building which I was led to believe was a bad thing among conservative ideologues. I recall Rush Limbaugh saying in the mid-90’s, in response to one of Bill Clinton’s advocacy for intervention in the Balkans and the use of soldiers as peacekeepers, “armies are good for only 1 thing, war”. I agree with that statement. Soldiers are historically not administrators of services, police officers, etc. They are good at fighting. That’s what they do. The notion that we would invade Iraq, lay the seeds of democracy, rebuild everything destroyed, be greeted as liberators, and (most ridiculous), that the Iraqi’s would pay for the cost, seemed ludicrous to me then and has proven to be incredibly erroneous. (By the way, with our current economic debt situation, why isn’t anyone loudly complaining of the 1 trillion dollar price tag of the Iraq war?)

I can go on and on about the Iraq war but, from a personal perspective, its served to enlighten me in a few areas. I learned that line between “conservative” and “liberal” is not as delineated as hard-core partisans on either side of that divide would lead you to believe. I learned that I strongly oppose the militaristic tendency of many self-professed conservatives which, I supposed, makes me “not conservative”. I learned, via sharing a plane ride with a family who was escorting their deceased soldier son (who was in the cargo hold in a flag-draped casket) that the consequences of going to war were tangible and tragic. But I’ve also learned to look beyond labels. When someone says “I’m conservative” or “I’m progressive”, I immediately question “what does that mean?”. Labels can be very effective at delineating between “us” and “them” and, as someone who, above all else, believes in God’s will for love and charity for ALL, I’m doing my best to do away with the “them” part and focus on “us” and “me”.

Random Thoughts of a World Traveller

Starting in 2005, I have averaged over 125,000 air-miles a year in travel for my day job. In addition to that, I have driven back-forth from my home in Northern Kentucky to Detroit, Chicago, and Nashville more times than I can count. In short, I get around.

Its all too easy for me to complain about the traveling life and there is plenty to be negative about. Airports, crowds, lost baggage, flight delays, poor hotel service, loneliness, etc, etc. And the nature of my travel is not leisurely. I don't get to sight-see and the goal of my travel is to get the job done so I can get back to my family.

That being said, however, there is plenty to be grateful for. I've been to places and done things I never thought I'd see/do. I've been to China and got a glimpse of the amazing Chinese culture. I've been to Germany and seen a cathedral the pre-dates the age of my country by 500 years. I've walked into the wrong bathroom in Brazil. I've been to Argentina, Mexico, and Columbia and discovered the huge differences in culture between those former Spanish colonial interests. I've literally set foot in the Atlantic and Pacific ocean in the same week. I've flown from a winter storm in one hemisphere into the heat of summer in another hemisphere. I can go on and on.

At the risk of sounding "touchy-feely", however, the one thing I'm most grateful for is confirmation in the truth that people have far more in common than not. When you strip away politics, economics, language, and culture, you are left with people who want the same basics: love, comfort, peace. I find this very comforting. I've been the benefactor of hospitality and friendship all over the world and found kinship globally. Yes, I've encountered "assholes" in my travels as well and can confirm that being a jerk transcends national boundaries as well (in fact, I've been guilty of being an American ambassador of bad behavior). But so too does compassion and empathy transcend borders and thank God for that as it takes the edge off of being an outsider within another "tribe".

As I wrap up another calendar year of travel and pack my bags for another trip to Brazil next week, I take stock of this existence I've stumbled into, focusing on the positives. I look forward to seeing my Brazilian friends again, sharing some laughs over meals, and doing my best to get the job done so I can get home to partake in the love, comfort, and peace found within my own tribe.

I wish everyone everywhere a joyous and peaceful 2013.

Baby's and Bathwater

There seems a societal pull to choose sides in all walks of life, as if everything is black/white, good/bad, prudent/excessive, liberal/conservative.....and requires labeling and classification. The most obvious arenas where this pull is evident is religion and politics. But it's present in the arts and culture as well.

The older I get, the more I learn and relearn that absolutes are the exception and not the rule.

I try to live my life being informed by honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness and develop opinions accordingly. I have what some might consider varied political, religious, spiritual, and cultural opinions. I have been accused of being "wishy washy" by those more entrenched in their views. I dispute that claim as that implies that I haven't expended intellectual energy before arriving at my opinions. But as this accusation comes from a perspective that holds to perceived absolutes, I accept the fact that we will need to "agree to disagree".

One absolute that I do subscribe to is that impermanence is a constant. Circumstances change. Environments change. People change and grow old. Societies evolve/devolve as do theories. Time has a way of doing that. So I try to keep an open mind. I try to look at all perspectives, looking at wisdom from the past that endures to inform the present. I seek enrichment from sources that have been labeled as one extreme or another or considered incompatible. In a term, I don't "throw the baby out with the bathwater".

Case-in-point #1: I am a Christian. (Some would say a "liberal Christian" or "progressive Christian" or even a heretic. But, for the sake of this point....Christian). The teachings of Jesus are a primary focus of how I lead my life (no surprise). However, I would have not have taken a path towards Christianity if I hadn't read the writings of The Dalai Lama (Buddhist) or M.K. Gandhi (Hindu). Long story but it was specific books from those non-Christians that led me down a path that led me to be baptized a Christian. I found wonderful ideas and perspectives articulated by those men that informed my viewpoints greatly. Now, I've encountered Christians who discount spiritual viewpoints from non-Christians immediately because of adherence to dogma and shut themselves from viewpoints and ideas that can be enriching. I don't understand this but so be it.

Case-in-point #2: I'm a musician as well as a music fanatic. I LOVE music!. If I had to sacrifice 4 of my 5 senses, I'd opt to leave my ears intact. I love music from all corners. I love to follow the historical and stylistic connections of artists that inspire me and "discover" things. I love Led Zeppelin AND Philip Glass, God Speed You Black Emperor AND John Coltrane, Steve Roach AND Mozart, Johnny Cash AND Daby Toure. I don't care about genre or crap like that. Its either good or bad to my taste (and there is a lot of stuff I can't stand as well). But GOOD LORD, have I had to deal with some incredulous reactions from people who can't understand how I can like "wholesome" music like The Carter Family and have Slayer on the same Ipod, as if somehow one is going to soil the other by proximity. But, anyhow, it has been the lifelong pursuit of musical discovery/investigation that has enriched my life immeasurably. I could not imagine being just a "genre snob" or limiting myself to what is on the Top 10.

I'm not critical of view points that are more entrenched than mine. Live and let live. I know in matters of right/wrong, I've been both. I know in matters more subjective, my viewpoint doesn't work for anyone else but me. I guess all I'm saying is that I've been rewarded by my occasional willingness splash around that messy used bath water in search of the precious. And I recommend it....come on in, the water is...er....FINE!

Healthcare

I'm all for capitalism provided that its done with a mooring of ethics (yes, I can hear the laughter now). However, I believe healthcare is something that shouldn't be part of the profit-motive equation. I don't know if Obamacare is going to make a shit of difference but its now painfully and personally clear to me that the current system is way broken.

Case-in-point #1: My daughter is being treated at a facility. I have been insured by the same insurance company since 1992 and have the most comprehensive policy they offer. No one in my family to this point has had a serious (i.e. expensive) illness or injury until now. Because of the nature of my daughter's ailment, my insurance will cover only a percentage of the cost which, in a very short period, has gone into thousands of dollars. What little savings we have is now gone.

Case-in-point #2: My wife's uncle suffered a stroke a month ago and has been comatose since. Because of the incredible mounting cost of care, my in-law's are opting to pay to move him to the NEXT STATE 4 hours away to go to a cheaper facility.

I'm not cheerleading Obama's still-pending healthcare reform though I applaud the direction he's trying to inch us towards. As stated before, I think its too little too late. But conservatives in congress as well as the talking media heads (i.e. Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity) are plain WRONG when saying that the U.S. medical systems is "the best in the world". What good are all the wonderful medical advances that our current system purportedly creates when no one other than the rich (like the aforementioned) can afford them?